so i decided that even if i have to walk the whole 13 miles i am going to do the half-marathon in the end of June. i have also decided that i am going to take better care of myself while training for endurance events. while i am on that note, i am going to train for the seattle marathon which is november 28 - the whole thing!!
running…i never thought i would say that - but after not being able to run for the last five, yes five weeks for more than a mile without pain i am seriously missing the long weekend runs and how awesome i felt after them. oh, knee please get better soon so that i can go for a run soon…
…to expect everything from the someone you are with. i keep wondering that - i feel like my life is, at times, a series of disappointments and i can’t figure out if it is just me. do i expect too much? i guess my idea of the ideal relationship is someone that wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. maybe i live in a fantasy world and i am just expecting way too much and should be satisfied with what i have. i’m just really not sure what exactly is appropriate to expect from another person. i know what i expect from myself and is it too much to expect the same from someone else. i wonder if other people feel like this? is it a girl thing or a guy thing? well i guess i will just ponder the question posed here and see if i can figure out the answer - but i will say that being disappointed is not something that i enjoy at all…here’s to hoping that something changes…
so i went out for dinner and a couple of drinks with a friend of mine last night and i was kind of like a therapy session for me. we chatted for a bit - it felt like no time had passed, but i looked at my phone and realized it had been three hours…time to move to another location and chat some more. anyway 4.5 hours later i must say i am feeling a lot better about life in general - it is nice when there are other people that are have similar thoughts as you and can completely relate to what you are saying. so i am feeling better right now about things - like i said a therapy session :)
and i think it may drive me crazy in the long run. so i came probably pretty close to going pretty fast and i had a serious mental freak out about leaving the boy behind. so now here i am wanting to go but not wanting to loose him….argh! i really don’t think i can have both but if i can find a way that would be nice. i firmly believe that things happen for reasons and maybe the whole leaving really soon possibility thing happening now has happened to make me really realize how much i want to stay with the boy…now if i can just convince him to move that would be nice. i am still going to keep looking and if i find something then i find something and i go - but i think i need to sit down and have a really serious conversation (again) with him to see if there is possibly a way to have it all and for us both to be happy….cause truly that is what i want i want to be happy….ok, maybe i need to start to meditate on top of the yoga-ing - i wish that the answer to all of my questions would just land in my lap and be like hello here is your answer do this and this and this and you will be happy. oh, well i guess if wishes were fishes….i would hope that they aren’t as schizophrenic as the pisces tends to be…
